The problem is that so many people have a definition of “nice” I’m a nice person. I’m friendly and compassionate. I take in stray animals. But I stand up for myself when challenged. I think it’s great that formerly shy guys have a forum to strengthen your self-esteem and get over being “nice” The nice guy v jerks debate. well like you said many people think that you have to be one or the other. N that girls love jerks. Its not really true at all. I can’t stand jerks. They really annoy me. But what im attracted to is someone who stands up for himself and what they believe in. The problem with nice guys is that they let us get away with too much. They don’t draw boundaries of respect and us being girls, we are constantly testing to see where this line IS.

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Usually its when the nice guy has enough and stands up for himself that the girl is most highly attracted to him. We don’t want a jerk. Just someone who can defend and respect himself and others. Hot Alpha Female Some good comments here, I think we are all pretty much in agreement. It seems to me that the real problem is that general public is still clinging to the concept “nice guy” vs. “jerks” when in reality this is not the case. I have to agree with HAF – I want someone who can stand up for himself. But I think it goes deeper than that.

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I have a client who spends much of his time whining to me about how people walk over him all the time because he is “nice.” It’s not because he’s “nice” it’s because he is un-assertive, gullible, and weak. That is not an attractive quality in a person, male or female. Flip the tables. I dance with a girl who is constantly being taken advantage of by douchebags because she is too “nice” No, you’re an idiot for working your ass off and then paying for him to go out and party and treat you like crap. She finally grew some balls and told him to get out. I was so proud of her.

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And one last thing: Us women finally grow up and appreciate the “nice guy” after being shit on for years. My guess is those girls at the coffee shop were in their early 20′s. They just weren’t ready for the nice guy. They’ve still got another 5-10 years of bullshit to wade through before they fully appreciate the nice guy. And sadly enough, by the time they’re ready to appreciate the guy, they’ll be bitter and jaded about it. Thus limiting their dating chances. Man – us women can be IDIOTS sometimes! :)

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I’m a strong-minded female. I’m self-sufficient, have a great job, have a great group of friends and basically can get anything done that I want to get done. I spend every day making decisions in a myriad of different areas for entirely too many damn people so by the time I meet a guy and start dating him, I just want him to make a damn decision on something instead of saying “I don’t know. What do you want to do?” I started dating someone a few months ago and that was one of the first things I told him – to have a pair of balls and challenge me on things. He does that. We get along famously and I’ve never been happier.

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